


Links

by summerwines



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Post-War, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Alternate Universe - Small Town, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Immortality, M/M, Parallel Universes, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prostitution, Temporary Character Death, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 11:55:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8666503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerwines/pseuds/summerwines
Summary: After going off course on a mountain hike meant to fix a souring relationship, Chanyeol is given a glimpse into the many lives he's lived in many different worlds.





	1. Chapter 1

**X.**

“I can’t believe I let you drag me here.” Kyungsoo frowns. He pulls on the straps of his bag as he walks up the slope of the mountain.

“Just a little bit more, Soo,” Chanyeol says. He tries to help Kyungsoo walk by holding his arm. He’s confident that Kyungsoo will have a better disposition once they’ve reached the peak and they see the gorgeous views. Chanyeol thrums with excitement at the thought of being up there, his arm around Kyungsoo, as they look upon the expanse of South Korea on top of this mountain.

This is Chanyeol’s idea of a good vacation: a trip up north to the Gangwon Province, fresh air, a good sweat, rocks and trees surrounding them. It’s the perfect way to take a break, from the music shows and acting gigs so, in turn, they can regain their sanity. It’s also a good way, Chanyeol thinks, for him and Kyungsoo to mend a dampening relationship.

Unfortunately, the thought barely lasts a day. When Kyungsoo trips and bumps his head, all hell breaks loose. He’s cursing and telling Chanyeol to _fuck off_ and get away from him.

“Why do you have to be so melodramatic? It’s just a bump,” Chanyeol says, which sets Kyungsoo off even more.

Recently, fights like this have been too common. He can’t pinpoint when it all began.

Two summers ago, when their relationship started, he and Kyungsoo could not take their hands off each other. They would grab each other’s shirts and kiss each other’s necks at any chance they got, at the SM dorms, in restrooms, in secret rendezvous, at hotels and vacation houses. Kyungsoo would beg for Chanyeol and Chanyeol would give it to him the way he wanted it. They were sex friends at first. Slowly, it evolved into something more meaningful, from hard kisses to softer ones. Their hearts started to beat much faster than they used to. Kyungsoo would cling to Chanyeol as if his life depended on it.

At some point in the span of two years, their relationship soured. Either Chanyeol or Kyungsoo would be angry about something day in and day out. Chanyeol thinks he mustn’t be blamed. Kyungsoo, after all, could never seem to decide on a places to eat; he always laughs due to Chanyeol’s lack of knowledge on good books to read. Worse, Kyungsoo zones out time and time again, ignoring conversations they were just in the middle of. Kyungsoo, meanwhile, would always get angry at the messes Chanyeol leaves at their dorm room. Chanyeol insists on playing loud music even during the night, sending Kyungsoo into a regular rage. But Kyungsoo says what ticks him off most of all are all the careless things Chanyeol says in public, almost giving away that they’re in a relationship.

“If anyone’s ruining this trip, it’s you, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol says, as they hike further. Kyungsoo walks ahead of him and he doesn’t reply to Chanyeol’s taunt.

For a quick moment, a shadow looms over both of them, which makes them stop and gaze upward. Kyungsoo glances at him once, with furrowed brows.

“What?” Chanyeol goes. Kyungsoo scowls and snorts.

When they both look ahead, Chanyeol has to pause and make sure he isn’t seeing things.

“Was that there just a minute ago?” Chanyeol says. There’s wooden signage that’s suddenly appeared. On it are two words: _Turn Left_.

“Weird,” Kyungsoo says, in a soft voice. Chanyeol sees the slow shift of his gaze leftward.

“So I guess we better get going?” Chanyeol says. Kyungsoo continues to look towards the left. “Hey. If you’re thinking about going that direction, I know for a fact that it’s the wrong one. Our guide told us to walk in a straight path.”

“Well, your guide didn’t see _this_ , didn’t he?” Kyungsoo says, as he starts to walk briskly towards the direction that the sign pertains to.

“Hey wait!”

“You said you wanted to have fun, right? Well I’m sure going off course will lead us to all sorts of fun.”

The comment infuriates Chanyeol, but he doesn’t say a word. He can’t make things worse than it already is. Instead, he continues walking with Kyungsoo.

Along the way, Chanyeol starts to shiver and his skin starts to feel cold. All the leaves on the trees seem to be moving. There seem to be shadows from the sky swerving past them. And more signs pop up, all of them with the same words written: _Straight Ahead._

Chanyeol is staring at a particularly spooky tree that keeps shaking when he bumps Kyungsoo, who has apparently stopped in his tracks.

“A house,” Kyungsoo says, stating the obvious. In front of them is a wooden house. The path they are in seems to lead straight to its door.

“This is freaky. Way too freaky,” Chanyeol says. He takes Kyungsoo’s hand and pulls. “I think we better get out of this place.”

Kyungsoo pulls his hand away. “No,” he says. He sends a glare in Chanyeol’s way. “You wanted fun, right?”

“You’re being unreasonable!” Chanyeol says. “For all we know, there could be a serial killer in there.”

“I’ll take my chances,” Kyungsoo says, before he walks off again, without fair warning.

Chanyeol stays right behind Kyungsoo when he pushes the door open. His heart races. The trees have stopped shaking around them.

When they go into the house, they see nothing but a square table and two chairs.

“This is fucking creepy, Soo.”

“Get some balls, Chanyeol. Just look at that—there’s something on the table.”

They both go near it, the wooden floor creaking at each step they make. On the table, they see a mirror. It’s the size of a computer monitor and it bears a golden frame. Chanyeol peers into it, just sees himself and Kyungsoo. He and Kyungsoo share a glance before they both gaze back at the mirror. Still, all they can see are their own reflections.

“Hm,” Kyungsoo goes. “Weird.”

“Weird is just scratching the surface.”

The whole house and the mirror make all the hairs on Chanyeol’s body stand up. He can’t imagine why there would be a house like this in the middle of a mountain. He can’t imagine why there would only be a mirror in it and why sign after sign would beckon you to find it.

“Chanyeol.” Suddenly, Kyungsoo grabs Chanyeol’s shirt. “Look at the mirror.”

Chanyeol looks and this time, he sees no reflection.

“That can’t be right.”

“Wait—Look—Someone’s—“

Both of them are speechless at what they see. They see themselves, only they aren’t reflections. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo see versions of themselves staring blankly from the mirror, as if they’ve been photographed. They see the faces from neck up. Chanyeol is bald. Kyungsoo has hair tied in a bun.

“What in god’s name is this,” Chanyeol says.

“Since when were you bald?”

“Since when did you have a man bun?”

_Time to sit._

The floor creaks. One moment, the wooden chairs are at opposite sides of the table. Then, a second later, they are right behind Kyungsoo and Chanyeol, as if they’ve moved on their own.

Both are forced to take their seats. Paralyzed, Chanyeol finds that he’s lost control of all his movements.

_That’s better._

“What’s happening? Chanyeol, what’s happening?” Kyungsoo sounds scared, as he very well should be.

“I don’t know. I really, really don’t know.”

He wants to hold Kyungsoo’s hand right now and tell him it is going to be fine. But he can’t move a single limb, a single finger. All he can do is speak.

Suddenly, the mirror lifts itself upright. This time, Chanyeol sees both he and Kyungsoo looking a few years younger than they are. Both of them have white collars on their shirts. Like the image before, the faces are expressionless.

“This is what we get for going on a fucking mountain,” Kyungsoo says.

“Are really trying to blame this on me? Really?”

 _Be quiet_.

His lips are sealed. He did not realize it before, but a voice has been looming around them. It’s a woman’s voice, firm and commanding.

 _You need to stop fighting,_ the voice says. _It’s making the whole mountain ill._

Chanyeol is scared to his very core, but there’s nothing he can do except listen as the voice continues to speak. He wants to look at Kyungsoo but the paralysis prevents him. All he can look at is the mirror, which now shows a different pair. This time, they look happy: They’re a bit older. Chanyeol has clean-cut hair; Kyungsoo has the haircut he had from when EXO first debuted.

 _You’ve lived so many lives,_ the woman says. _But you still aren’t satisfied? What more do you want?_

The image shifts, again, to Chanyeol and Kyungsoo as teenagers. Kyungsoo’s eyes, this time, are closed.

She continues. _What I’m going to show you today, not everyone gets the opportunity to see. But it’s become very clear to me that the universe might owe you a little something. Watch and understand. And when you come back, I hope you’ll be less of a disturbance to this mountain. It’s unhealthy for it to be around your sort of energy._

The images disappear from the mirror. A bright light replaces them. It’s a light that blinds him, thought at the same time, it’s a light that he can’t bear to look away from.

The light becomes stronger and bigger. Chanyeol feels wind blowing his hair away. It feels as if he’s about to be swallowed and he sincerely hopes that Kyungsoo would be spared from this. It feels as though his soul is about to get ripped out of his body and taken into oblivion.

Chanyeol becomes fully engulfed in the light. The house transforms into a large white space and he’s standing in it, no longer paralyzed. He manages a glance at his side and Kyungsoo manages a glance back at him, their eyes both wide as they both disappear into another world.

 

**ONE.**

Chanyeol floats until he finds his body.

This is where he ends up: in a country ravaged by war, but not the same as the one Chanyeol’s read about in history books. It feels different: the names of the leaders are different; the two halves of their country have agreed to lasting peace. Almost immediately, these details and more replace everything Chanyeol used to know as he settles into a new body.

He’s aboard a ship, wearing a soiled, ragged army uniform. The seaport can be seen from a short distance and he blows the smoke of his cigarette towards it. The buildings on the land all look gray behind the fog. He can hear the murmurs and gesticulations of happy men on the ship. Chanyeol chooses to remain quiet. He does not know how they could be happy as they go home to their towns, jobless, eventually to be steeped in debt. He remembers a time when he could smile about everything in life but his time in fields that smell of blood and rotting flesh has made sure that he would never be the same again.

 _WAR IS OVER. DEMOCRACY LIVES –_ These words are written all over signboards, on the windows of cars, on the train leading back to Seoul. It takes a full hour for him to get a seat on the train and another hour to travel from the Incheon seaport towards Seoul.

The Park house is in busy Namdaemun, where shops still line the street with their blaring lights. His family owns a small restaurant in the two-story building where they live. Memories of a happy childhood rush to Chanyeol when he finally returns. He takes a moment before he enters his home. Inside, he meets his crying parents and sisters. He hugs them tightly all together. They comment on his shaved head, the scars on his arms, his thin body, but he tells them that everything’s okay. The world’s gone to shit, but he’s here now, so that is all that matters.

With permission from his parents, Chanyeol goes out that night to check if all his favorite places are still around. He notes that some of the shops he used to go to are no longer there; that there are too many unfamiliar faces. He wonders where the people in this town moved on to. He wonders how they dealt with the grief.

He is happy to see that the bakery he loved so much as a child is still around. Though he notices that the old man and woman who used to man the shop are no longer there. Instead, he sees a boy, younger than he is, though he guesses not by that much.

When he sees the boy’s face, he feels unsettled and has a sinking feeling that something is amiss.

The boy’s name is Kyungsoo, who just turned 18, at an age that still saved him from being drafted into the military. Chanyeol is 21 and for that reason, he was compelled to leave his home two years ago.

They introduce themselves to each other when Chanyeol asks what happened to the couple that manned the shop. Chanyeol says he was very close with them, which is why he wants to know. Kyungsoo says they were his grandparents, whom he never met until they were about to die. They both fell ill at the same time, two summers ago. It was Kyungsoo and his mother who cared for them and eventually, Kyungsoo took over the bakery.

As Kyungsoo tells him the story, they both sit at a table outside. Chanyeol notes that Kyungsoo’s skin is fairer and brighter than anything he’s ever seen. He notices Kyungsoo’s beautiful hands, tired from baking, but still very soft. When Chanyeol smiles and tells him that his chocolate pastry is one of the sweetest and most delicious things he’s ever tasted, Kyungsoo smiles back, in a very small way, which makes Chanyeol swoon.

This is how he meets Do Kyungsoo: one day after he returns from the toils of war, at his favorite bakery, where as a schoolboy, he frequented day by day.

In the weeks that come, Chanyeol never fails to visit Kyungsoo’s bakery. Sometimes, he would buy bread with the little money he is able to save up. At times, he would be content just to sit and chat with Kyungsoo, happy to be in his company.

Kyungsoo, he realizes, is a quiet person who barely talks to anyone except Chanyeol. He has a couple of regulars whom he chats to every now and then, but it seems Chanyeol is one of the very first real friends he made in the city.

As the days go by, Kyungsoo opens up and even allows Chanyeol to see the kitchen where he bakes. Chanyeol watches him and whenever Kyungsoo would allow, Chanyeol helps him. This goes on for days and days. Chanyeol would help at his family’s restaurant. During his lunches, he would bring Kyungsoo cooked meat and vegetables, which they would eat together on the table where they had their first chat. Chanyeol helps him with shaping the bread, with putting the dough in the oven. He enjoys the smell and the company.

It’s like the war has already been forgotten in this part of the city and Chanyeol only has one person to thank.

“I’m really glad we met, you know,” Chanyeol tells him, one day, as he sits watching Kyungsoo rolling dough in his kitchen.

“I’m glad we met too.” Kyungsoo smiles, continuing his task. “I’ve learned a lot from you. I now know that I’m awfully lucky to be young. All your stories made me realize that.”

Chanyeol stands and draws near Kyungsoo. He places his hand at the small of Kyungsoo’s back.

“I’ve learned a lot from you too,” he says. “I’ve learned that there’s more to life than just pain.”

“Yeah, there really is.” Kyungsoo looks at him and Chanyeol swears the stars have found human form in this face. “There’s bread. And pastries. Which are definitely worth living for.”

Chanyeol uses one of his hands to make Kyungsoo let go of the rolling pin. He uses another hand to hold Kyungsoo’s cheek, making Kyungsoo look him directly in the eye.

“I can name a few other things worth living for,” Chanyeol says.

“Like what?” Kyungsoo’s mouth parts slightly, an invitation.

“Like laughter,” Chanyeol says, drawing closer. “And love.”

His lips are soft and his tongue is sweet. Chanyeol doesn’t care that he’s getting flour on his shirt when Kyungsoo grabs Chanyeol’s back. Chanyeol kisses him with even more fervor. He cannot count how many times he has wanted to do this over the weeks. It makes him dizzy thinking about it. Kyungsoo, in general, makes him feel nauseous and flustered with whatever he does.

“More, please, _god,_ ” Kyungsoo heaves and Chanyeol obliges, slipping his hand under Kyungsoo’s apron and shirt, feeling the heat on Kyungsoo’s stomach.

They sleep together that night: the first of many nights. In the days to come, Chanyeol realizes the extent of his obsession with the warmth of Kyungsoo’s fingers, with the way Kyungsoo’s skin glistens when Chanyeol lathers it with oil, with the way his body shivers when Chanyeol thrusts into ass, both of them moaning in sheer pleasure. Kyungsoo clings to him whenever Chanyeol tells him that he’s in love, that he’s never been this in love, that he thinks he might have to marry Kyungsoo, even though that it is simpossible. Kyungsoo always tells him that he believes him and that he hopes nothing will ever change Chanyeol’s mind.

A year and a half passes for their relationship and things are still good. They assume no one knows anything about what they do behind closed doors. Chanyeol’s family never asks where he runs off to every night. No one ever asks about the faint candlelight and the shadows that can be seen from the window of Kyungsoo’s house, where he lives alone, where no one else could possibly be spending the night.

Their routine is interrupted, however, when a letter comes from Chanyeol’s friends from the military. It says that Byun Baekhyun, Kim Jongin, and Oh Sehun are coming to Seoul and he should expect them very soon. The letter says that the three of them have been travelling the country. They are passing by Seoul and of course, they cannot miss the opportunity to meet with their friend.

They arrive on a Friday evening, dragging Chanyeol out of his family’s restaurant to bring him to a bar, deeper into the city.

“You’ve been holed up in your house for ages, Chanyeol!” Baekhyun exclaims, after he gulps down a bottle of beer.

“That’s right. Why don’t you come and join us?” Jongin says, giving Chanyeol’s back a hard pat. “Let’s see the world!”

“I’m fine right where I am,” Chanyeol says, gulping down his own bottle.

“What do you do to have fun around here?” Sehun says. “For a big city, it seems pretty desolate.”

“We’re still recovering,” Chanyeol says, because it’s the truth. “And there are a lot of things you can do to have fun.”

“Can’t argue with that!” Baekhyun goes. He asks the waitress for more beer and leans in to Chanyeol’s ear, “I’ll let you in on a little secret, Park Chanyeol.”

“Here we go again with that little secret,” Jongin says, rolling his eyes.

“Let me ask you first: Are you a virgin?” Baekhyun says, making Chanyeol’s eyebrows furrow. “Last time we talked in camp, you said you were.”

“When did I ever say that?”

“Doesn’t matter. I just remember you mentioning it once.”

“What’s your point?”

“Give me an answer first!”

Chanyeol wants to say that no, he isn’t, that he’s had the most glorious sex with the most glorious person and his cock is sated on a regular basis. But Chanyeol decides against it. Instead, he says, “Yes. Yes I am.”

“Right,” Baekhyun smiles.

Sehun interrupts, “Just get to your point now, Byun. I’m sure Chanyeol’s dying to hear it.”

Baekhyun pats Chanyeol’s back and smirks before he explains. He says that he’s recently discovered the joys of sex, how it takes away all the pain, all the memories of war, all your worries about the future.

“And I’m not leaving this place until you, my friend, are finally able to experience the same rush that we’ve all come to love.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary,” Chanyeol says.

“Nonsense,” says Jongins. “Byun’s right. We’re going to get you a good girl who will make all your dirty dreams come true.”

“Unless you’re not man enough, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun taunts. “I mean, I’ve heard a rumor or two and I was actually wondering if any of them were true.”

Chanyeol glares and swallows. “Fuck you,” he says.

Beside him, Sehun laughs. He beckons for the waitress to hand them more beer. “Easy with the words, now. Let’s get you some more to drink. My treat.”

“Ahyoung, my dear!” Baekhyun calls for one of the girls in the bar. A girl in a small red dress approaches them, now held by the waist with Baekhyun’s arm. “This is Ahyoung,” he continues. “We talked to her before we stopped by your restaurant. She’s willing to be your first. I’ve paid her handsomely.”

Chanyeol gulps. Ahyoung is a pretty girl, her eyes round and bright; the smirk on her red lips is charming.

“Hello there,” Ahyoung says, her voice mellow and rich.

“Prove to us that you’re a man, Park Chanyeol.” Baekhyun’s eyes are pointed. Chanyeol swallows more of his beer. He swallows more and more and more.

The night descends into laughter and drinks. Ahyoung sits with them, Sehun leaving his chair so she can stay next to Chanyeol. Baekhyun pays for all the drinks, the cigarettes. More women appear; one of them takes her seat on Baekhyun’s lap. Everything becomes a blur as cigarette smoke builds in the air and as Baekhyun, Sehun, and Jongin indulge their hands and their lips.

Ahyoung ends up sitting on Chanyeol’s lap. He remembers Ahyoung kissing his cheek ever so lightly before his lips lock with hers. Chanyeol remembers a sea of hands. He remembers his and her hand, a tug on the arm, the creak of a door, a glass of water spilling, his clothes, removed.

He tells himself that this is loveless. He is only doing this to appease his friends. He needs to prove to them that he’s more of a man than any of them, who have to run to forget their problems, men who have to wallow in their vices to erase the memories of the bullets, the blood, and the sound of explosions.

When he wakes the next day, he is alone on a bed in a room he doesn’t remember paying for. He’s naked; the evidence of last night is sticky on his skin. He rushes to leave the guesthouse, which he realizes is right across the bar where he and his friends had spent the night. It is 10 in the morning and he manages to catch a tram that helps him return home.

As he sits in the tramcar, he looks out the window and tries to appreciate the quiet that the city has maintained for all the days he’s been back. In the middle of the ride, he feels like he’s going to be sick. He sheds a single tear but he wipes it away immediately and tells himself that he’s stronger than this.

But nothing can stop the fear and guilt that builds up inside him.

Outside his home, Chanyeol finds Baekhyun, Jongin, and Sehun waiting, as the three smoke their cigarettes. When they see Chanyeol, they smile. Chanyeol thinks he would much rather see their faces with black eyes.

“The three of you are never returning here, got that? Please leave,” Chanyeol says, walking right past them, making sure to bump Baekhyun before he opens the door to his home.

Chanyeol is stopped by Baekhyun’s hand, giving Chanyeol’s arm a good grip.

“We know all about your affair with the baker boy,” he says. Chanyeol’s eyes widen at Baekhyun’s declaration. “Word gets around. I know people around here. We just saved you from a life of pain, Park Chanyeol. You better thank us.”

Chanyeol shoves his hand away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says, before he’s able to disappear from their sight.

A thousand thoughts run through his head. When his mother sees him sitting on a stool in their kitchen, she asks if he had fun last night, since he didn’t go home. Hoping the worry isn’t evident on his face, Chanyeol smiles and says he did. He says he spent the night at a guesthouse with his friends, which is partially true.

“Those friends of yours are good for you.” His mother holds his shoulder and nods. “They look like the tough sort. Tough men are good company for boys your age.”

“I don’t think I’ll be seeing them anymore, mother,” he says. “They’re going away again.”

“Oh, that’s a shame,” she says, with a smile.

Chanyeol gives his mother a quick hug before he decides to go to his room. Though even before he is able to go up the stairs, his mother shouts to him.

“Chanyeol! You didn’t tell me your friends were outside!” she says, sounding happy about seeing them. “Oh—and—“ She pauses. Chanyeol turns around and returns downstairss to see her.

“What is it, mom?” Chanyeol says.

“It’s the baker boy,” she says. She looks out the window near their front door. At the mention of the baker boy, her voice becomes softer. “I wonder what he wants.”

Chanyeol looks out to see Kyungsoo, hair tied in a bun, standing in front of Baekhyun, speaking to him, looking very confused. He is holding a basket of bread and it seems that Sehun and Jongin already helped themselves. Each of them has a dinner roll in his hands.

At warp speed, Chanyeol runs out the front door.

“Kyungsoo!”

Baekhyun is still saying something, his face in a smirk, though he stops when he hears Chanyeol. The smile on his face registers as evil. Kyungsoo meets Chanyeol’s eyes, his own eyes wide and confused.

“What did you say to him Byun?” Chanyeol pushes Baekhyun back and shoots daggers towards him. From behind, he hears giggles from Sehun and Jongin.

Baekhyun spreads out his arms. “I only told him what you’d be too much of a chicken to say.”

“Shut up!” Chanyeol shoots. He lifts an arm, clenches his fist, and prepares a blow on Baekhyun’s face. But thenanother hand prevents his actions. Kyungsoo forces him to put his arm down.

“Stop it,” Kyungsoo says. “It’s not his fault, Chanyeol.”

“Kyungsoo, he’s fucking with you—he—“

“It’s _your_ fault,” he says. His expression has already morphed into a deep anger.

“It’s not what you think.”

“Was she good?” Kyungsoo says.

“What? I don’t—“

“Don't lie to me, Chanyeol! Was she good?”

Chanyeol stares at Kyungsoo and he hesitates, unable to find the right thing to say.

“Kyungsoo, I was going to tell you. It didn’t mean anything, I swear.”

Before Chanyeol can lay a hand on Kyungsoo’s arm, Kyungsoo pushes him and slaps Chanyeol’s cheeks with all his strength.

“When you didn’t come to see me last night, I thought you might have been tired from work. So I came here today, wanting to see you. But I didn’t—I didn’t think—“

All the bread falls to the ground as Kyungsoo throws the whole basket towards Chanyeol’s body.

Kyungsoo screams, “I didn’t think you’d be out there, fucking some girl you met at a bar!”

He pushes Chanyeol another time and Chanyeol cannot react. He can’t look at him in the eyes. “Fuck you, Chanyeol!” he shouts, for all the town to hear, as he hits Chanyeol’s chest with his hands. “I can’t believe you! I trusted you. I fucking trusted you.”

Chanyeol can’t help the tears that escape him. It becomes even worse when he looks at Kyungsoo to see the dampness on his cheeks.

They stare at each other’s faces for a few moments and Kyungsoo gives him one more shove before he walks away.

Chanyeol doesn’t try calling out to him. He knows it will be useless. When Baekhyun holds his shoulder, Chanyeol can no longer help the punch that he’s about to give, which makes Baekhyun fall to the ground.

He will never know the right way to ask for forgiveness.

Chanyeol tries to see him, day after day, standing outside Kyungsoo’s bakery. It remains closed for two days. When it opens and Chanyeol sees Kyungsoo setting down pastries on the window display, Chanyeol goes to him and tries to talk, but all his words are ignored.

At home, Chanyeol’s parents and sisters ignore him. None of them speak about what transpired outside their home. Chanyeol knows he’s brought shame to the family. He’s known this was bound to happen the very first time he laid hands on Kyungsoo’s body. But this does not stop him from trying to make things right with the man he loves.

His persistence does not wane. He has never been known as someone who would back down from a fight. His memories from the war are all the more horrifying because of his relentlessness at the sight of an enemy. There was no other way to survive. This time around, he knows his survival in this cruel world would also depend on his persistence. He cannot give up.

“Kyungsoo, please talk to me,” he says and Kyungsoo looks at him with sad eyes. They’re outside Kyungsoo’s bakery when Chanyeol catches him. They stand by the table where they had spoken to each other for the very first time.

Kyungsoo finally speaks, “I don’t know what to say to you.”

Chanyeol takes his hand. “You don’t have to say much. Just—“ He lifts Kyungsoo’s hand to kiss Kyungsoo’s knuckles and put Kyungsoo’s palm against his cheek. “I want to be with you. Please.”

“But I don’t know how to look at you anymore,” Kyungsoo says, his voice weak.

Kyungsoo really can’t. He pulls away from Chanyeol’s touch.

“Kyungsoo—“

“No matter what you say, Chanyeol, it’s impossible.” Kyungsoo shakes his head and it shoots a bullet into Chanyeol’s heart. “I can’t be with you anymore, Chanyeol. Not after what you’ve done.”

Kyungsoo turns his back. There’s a moment of silence between them. People pass by the street. Chanyeol can hear the light chatter of onlookers, children and women. He cannot take his eyes off Kyungsoo’s shoulders, his black hair, the body that he’s so familiar with.

“Leave,” Kyungsoo says. “And never come back.”

“Kyungsoo, please.”

Kyungsoo stomps and shouts, “Leave! I don’t want to see you ever again, Chanyeol! If I have to see you again, I don’t know what I might do! So go away! Go away _now_!”

“I can’t, Kyungsoo. I love you.”

“Don’t.” Kyungsoo lifts his arm to cover his eyes. “Don’t do that! Go away, Chanyeol. I hate you. I can’t stand the sight of you. So get the hell away!”

Chanyeol parts his lips as tears rolls down his cheek. He did not think that he would ever have to give up, but he’s left with no choice.

“Go away.”

At this, Chanyeol walks away and then, he runs as fast as he can.

As he runs through the blur of the streets, he remembers that time, two years ago, when he blew smoke towards the seaport as he stared from across the sea. He wishes he could rewind to that very day. He wishes he could relive every single moment from the time he met Kyungsoo, the time he first kissed him, the time he first touched him. He wishes for his pride to dispel, so he wouldn’t have gone with Baekhyun to that bar, to see that girl. He wishes for everything to repeat, as he runs. But nothing does.

Instead, Chanyeol has to start again somewhere else, with another set of eyes.

 

**TWO.**

It does not take long for him to find a new shape. But before his life ever begins, Chanyeol observes the lives of others.

A pregnant woman wanders the island town of Oon-Myung, or Destiny, saying she left her life as doctor in the city to be here with her lover, Do Hyunsoo, the town’s physician. When they find each other in the town plaza, the two women share a deep embrace that moves everyone around them. Soon, they come to be known as Do Hyunsoo and Do Yeonhee. Yeonhee takes Hyunsoo’s family name as soon as they kiss and exchange wedding vows on the white sand of Destiny town. The women are celebrated as hope for the future. Likewise, the newborn baby boy, Kyungsoo, is celebrated as a shining light amidst the frequent storms.

Park Chanhee and Park Jiae, close friends of Hyunsoo and Yeonhee, have their only child Chanyeol a month after Kyungsoo’s birth. He’s a rather large baby, with very plump cheeks. Kyungsoo is smaller, with minimal paunch. As soon as the parents lay their children down in the same crib the color of a sunny sky, the two boys become impossible to separate.

When they are six, Chanyeol finds out that he isn’t classmates with Kyungsoo and throws a fit. Only Kyungsoo is able to appease him with a tight hug and a whisper, “Don’t let the teachers see you cry. Crying little boys get eaten on the first day.” At this, Chanyeol looks at him with frightened eyes. Kyungsoo nods and whispers that it’s true. Chanyeol nods back when Kyungsoo puts a finger on his mouth to shush him.

When they are nine, Kyungsoo’s mothers have to leave the island for a week to meet Yeonhee’s parents, with whom they want to reconcile. Kyungsoo is left to spend a few nights at the Park house, an ash-gray bungalow by the beach. Chanyeol hugs Kyungsoo’s crying face to sleep on the first night, as Kyungsoo isn’t used to being away from his mothers. Very seldom does Chanyeol see Kyungsoo cry, so he swears to himself that night, that he will be the one to wipe Kyungsoo’s tears away whenever the need arises. He tells Kyungsoo that he’ll be his mother while both are away and Kyungsoo tells him that he’s a dummy. Chanyeol is much too young to be a mother. He needs to be taller and have a stethoscope around his neck.

When they are eleven, the two boys have their first big fight. It happens when they are walking towards Chanyeol’s house, a day before an important exam at school. Chanyeol gets very angry as Kyungsoo keeps nagging him to study.

“It doesn’t matter if I study,” Chanyeol says, arms folded at the back of his head as he walks. “I’m not gonna understand anything anyway.”

“Don’t say that!” Kyungsoo says, which Chanyeol is sick and tired of hearing from him again and again.

Kyungsoo has always been better at school, nabbing honors and all the praises from the teachers. The closest Chanyeol ever got to a praise was when his teacher called his smile infectious. He didn’t even realize that it was a compliment at the time and only realized it when Kyungsoo clarified the meaning later in the day.

“Doesn’t it bother you that I’m always doing better in school?” Kyungsoo says. At this, Chanyeol has to hold back his anger.

Kyungsoo persists, “Ma says people who don’t study won’t amount to anything, you know. Is that what you want, Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol chuckles. “Maybe I _do_ want that,” he says.

“Then you’re stupid,” Kyungsoo says. “You’re stupid, Chanyeol. You’re _stupid_.”

The argument escalates from there. Chanyeol retorts and tells Kyungsoo what all the boys say about him: that Kyungsoo is boring, that he’s a wimp, that he’s not as special as the teachers say, that his mothers weren’t born here, so Kyungsoo does not belong in Oon-Myung.

“I hate you!” Kyungsoo shouts, as he runs away, teary eyed.

When Chanyeol gets home and cries to his parents about the whole situation, his mother tells him that it’s normal to fight with your friends sometimes. It’s part of life. “But Kyungsoo is right, you know,” she tells him. “You should always try your best at school.”

Chanyeol nods, because he’s always known that they were right. He just never wanted to admit it. His mother tells him, then, that he should apologize to Kyungsoo, because friendship should never be wasted, especially a friendship as strong as theirs.

That evening, his mother takes him to see Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo’s older mom Hyunsoo lets Chanyeol sit in the living room while she goes to get her son. When she returns, Kyungsoo stands behind her, grabbing her nightdress. Chanyeol’s and Kyungsoo’s parents make them face each other to reconcile. Chanyeol offers a soft apology, unable to look Kyungsoo in the eye. Kyungsoo says he’s sorry as well. They stay silent for a few moments before Kyungsoo takes one of Chanyeol’s hands.

“I’m really sorry, Chanyeol,” he says, one more time, in a soft voice. “I didn’t mean it when I said you were stupid. You’re not. So please don’t hate me.”

Chanyeol’s heart flutters and sinks all at the same time. “I don’t hate you. I can never hate you,” he says, still unable to look at Kyungsoo in the eye. To be sure that Kyungsoo understands what he feels, Chanyeol grabs Kyungsoo’s other hand so all their fingers are tangled together. He grumbles, “You’re the most awesome person I know, Kyungsoo..”

Before Chanyeol has to leave, Kyungsoo hugs Chanyeol and the hug seals the deal: They vow never to have a fight again. It’s a bit impossible, but Chanyeol and Kyungsoo manage to do so for many, many years.

Instead of fights, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo share happy memories running after one another on the sand and swimming together in the ocean tide. Instead of discord, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo find lasting peace in their many talks walking to and from school. Instead of disagreements, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo have sleepovers, where Chanyeol always makes sure to keep Kyungsoo warm in his arms whenever the night is cold.

When they are fourteen, Kyungsoo tells Chanyeol that he loves him for the very first time. Chanyeol fails to understand and only gets it on a much later day. They’re seated together in Kyungsoo’s living room, watching an animated movie on the couch. They’re in their shorts and sleeveless shirts, arms brushing against one another. Kyungsoo hooks his little finger to Chanyeol’s and he rests his head against Chanyeol’s arm.

“Can I tell you something?” Kyungsoo says, as he nuzzles against his friend.

Chanyeol keeps his eyes fixed on the movie. “Sure, what is it?” he replies.

“I’ve been thinking,” Kyungsoo says. “And I just wanted to tell you…” He isn’t looking at Chanyeol. He’s looking down, staring at their little fingers. “I wanted to say that I kind of really love you—and stuff.” His voice becomes softer. “I really, really love you, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol doesn’t find it weird at all, since friends are really supposed to love their friends. Chanyeol smiles at Kyungsoo and says that he loves Kyungsoo as well. “A whole lot,” Chanyeol says. When he looks at Kyungsoo, he sees that Kyungsoo has a faint smile on his face. Kyungsoo draws himself closer, hooking his arm with Chanyeol’s.

“I’m glad,” Kyungsoo says.

It’s only when they’re fifteen that Chanyeol actually learns what Kyungsoo meant that night. One cold Sunday evening in Chanyeol’s bedroom, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo talk about their grades and how Kyungsoo has once again been revealed to be at the top of their class. He beat out Kim Junmyeon and Bae Joohyun by the skin of his teeth, but he still managed to get the top spot. Chanyeol is still very jealous of Kyungsoo and his achievements, since Chanyeol has had to attend many remedial classes over the years.

Many of the boys and girls at school have their eyes on Kyungsoo. Chanyeol senses this from all the looks that they’ve been giving him. At some point in their school life, the boy who doesn’t belong suddenly morphed into the golden boy. Because of this, Chanyeol starts to wonder if Kyungsoo has ever returned any of the looks he gets with any form of interest. Chanyeol knows that Kyungsoo’s become closer now with the likes of Huang Zitao and Kim Jongin, both popular swimmers at their school. Chanyeol thinks at least one of them must have caught Kyungsoo’s eye.

And because the idea nags in Chanyeol’s mind, he decides to ask. He begins with an awkward _hey_ , some nervous laughter, before he says, “Is there anyone you like, Soo? I mean, at school—Is there anyone you think might make a good boyfriend or girlfriend?”

Chanyeol laughs, hoping that he does not sound too nervous. Kyungsoo looks at him with wide eyes and then, he shrinks, knees bent against his chest, head partially hidden behind his legs.

“Is there anything wrong?” Chanyeol asks.

“No, it’s nothing, really.” Kyungsoo shakes his head.

“If this is something you don’t like talking about, then it’s fine.” Chanyeol draws near Kyungsoo so he can pat Kyungsoo’s back.

“It’s not that I’m uncomfortable—It’s just that…”

“Just what, Soo?”

Kyungsoo hides his whole face and he mumbles something unintelligible.

“Hey, I can’t really understand you. You’ve got to speak up.”

Kyungsoo lifts his head and says what he means: “I just thought that you and I—I thought we were already…” He pauses and hides his face again. “I thought we were already dating, Chanyeol.”

Upon hearing this, Chanyeol feels outraged, not towards Kyungsoo, but towards himself, because he can’t even begin to describe just how stupid he is. His eyes widen and his cheeks turn red.

Chanyeol swears, from that night forward, that he will be the best boyfriend Kyungsoo will ever have and that he will be the only boyfriend Kyungsoo will ever have. He owes it to him. He owes it to the whole world.

He won’t ever forget this night. It’s too funny and outrageous for it to fade from his memory. He will never run out of apologies for Kyungsoo because Chanyeol really was the biggest dummy in the world for many, many days.

The weeks and months are very quick with Kyungsoo by his side. Before he knew it, they’ve already completed a long list of firsts: first kiss, first touch, first pet they bought together, first boat ride to another island, and many others. They spend some time apart, as Kyungsoo leaves for extended periods of time to attend university in the city but the distance is just a momentary dilemma. They’ve known each other long enough to be sure of their place in each other’s hearts.

So when Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are both twenty-five, Chanyeol makes the decision to propose and solidify the life that they’ve built together. He does this after his friend Baekhyun convinces him, constantly saying that he and Kyungsoo are practically married anyway. Chanyeol tells Kyungsoo’s parents before he ever tries with Kyungsoo, just so he knows he has their consent. They gladly give their blessing, so Chanyeol immediately plans the proposal.

He pops the question on the beach, on a quiet autumn afternoon, the sound of ocean waves the only background music as Chanyeol goes down on one knee. Kyungsoo jumps to embrace his as soon as he hears the question. Chanyeol makes sure that the wedding happens on the exact same spot where he gave his proposal.

Their wedding is attended by at least a hundred people. Many people with whom they’ve never even spoken cry for them and shake their hands before the ceremony even starts. People say that the whole town has been rooting for them their whole lives and that this wedding is yet another miracle, much like Kyungsoo’s mothers, who continue to save the town from harrowing illnesses.

The ceremony is done on a cloudy day at the beach. Baekhyun and Jongin stand by Kyungsoo and Chanyeol’s sides as their best men. Even before the grooms get to say anything, Baekhyun is already tearing up. “I can’t with you guys,” Baekhyun says, sobbing. “I can’t deal with it.”

Kyungsoo manages to give his wedding vows calmly, saying that he loves Chanyeol to the ends of the earth and that he will be the most doting of husbands until their hearts have to stop. Chanyeol, meanwhile, bursts out crying in the middle of his first sentence. He thinks it’s unfair that he’s allowed to be this happy. He thinks that this is impossible, that Kyungsoo is impossible. He tells Kyungsoo that he would marry him again and again if he could. Whatever version of Kyungsoo might be out there, Chanyeol is sure to love him. Wherever they may be, Chanyeol will make sure to go to him, marry him, and take him home to feed him his favorite biscuits. For better or for worse.

Even their most unbelieving of friends, like Jongdae and Yifan who sit in the audience, cry right after Chanyeol gives his vows. Baekhyun covers his mouth, sobs some more, and pumps his fist into the air, cheering Chanyeol on.

“And none of you dudes out there can ever take this away from me!” Chanyeol says, laughing, kissing Kyungsoo even without the minister’s instruction.

Kyungsoo cries as Chanyeol kisses him. They run when the ceremony ends, their shoes getting filled with sand. Chanyeol lifts Kyungsoo up and kisses him some more. The sun sets against their shadows. The ocean becomes a dark shade of orange. Chanyeol swears that he will never forget this, just like how he swore to always be there when Kyungsoo is sad, just like how he swore that Kyungsoo would never love any other man.

Time pushes and pulls them. As parts of the island submerge, never to be seen again, so does Chanyeol’s time with his husband. All their firsts, all their fights, and all their adventures become mere memories. Chanyeol feels like a soul watching his own whole life play out before him. Kyungsoo becomes a full-fledged doctor and works day in and out at the hospital. Chanyeol goes from job to job, seeking employment at the few shops and restaurants that Oon-Myung has. The two of them adopt a little baby, abandoned in a small boat near the seaport, her biological parents forever unknown.

Soon enough, they are thirty-five.

Chanyeol and Kyungsoo choose to live by the sea much like their parents before them. They raise their five-year-old daughter, Subin, in their wooden house painted a bright shade of blue. Kyungsoo is at the hospital for most of the day but he always goes home to his family with a smiling face. He tries to convince Chanyeol that he need not work anymore because Kyungsoo makes enough money for all of them. But Chanyeol refuses to be idle.

It’s a happy life, for the most part, except for the fact that Chanyeol has started to feel pain in his shoulders from the heavy jobs he has had to take on. He’s started to cough profusely, a lasting effect of all the cigarettes he’s used over the past decade. He has a doctor for a husband but Chanyeol is still as stubborn as ever.

Chanyeol keeps an eye on his daughter running with playmates on the beach when he has a coughing fit. He looks at his hand and sees the blood, which he immediately wipes away so his daughter need not see. At night, when he’s in bed with Kyungsoo, he speaks nothing of it. He tells himself that it isn’t serious. He just has to take cough medicine and painkillers to dull the ache in his joints.

It happens a second time when he’s at work, washing dishes at a local eatery. He has to get out of the kitchen and stay inconspicuous as he stands outside the backdoor. He continues to cough and the blood comes out in great amounts. Chanyeol drops against a wall and he cries, unable to stand the pain that seers through his body. He doesn’t know how he could face his family looking like this, like a weakling, like someone who let life get the best of him.

When Chanyeol walks home that day, his vision blurs and he faints in the middle of Destiny town, for all the townspeople to see. In his mind, all he can see are images of Kyungsoo and his daughter.

For most of his remaining days, Chanyeol spends it on a hospital bed.

Kyungsoo sits by him and their daughter sleeps on Kyungsoo’s lap. Chanyeol smiles at them and reaffirms to himself that he’s accomplished much more than he thought he would in this life. He built a home with the most beautiful man in the world. He helped raise a beautiful little girl, who still has the world knocking on her door.

Chanyeol’s cancer is incurable now and the family decides not to prolong Chanyeol’s pain with therapies in the city. Instead, Chanyeol stays on the island and spends the little time he has left with the two people he loves most in this world.

His parents visit him, crying, saying it’s unfair for the world to take him this early. Kyungsoo’s parents come and cry as well, ashamed that they are unable to help Chanyeol despite their years of experience saving lives.

“It’s okay,” Chanyeol says, voice calm, eyes shifting to Kyungsoo’s. “Thirty-five years ain’t so bad.”

On his final night, Chanyeol says goodbye to his daughter first. He hugs her and kisses her cheek. He tells Kyungsoo that he doesn’t want her to see him like this anymore, so Chanyeol’s mother brings Subin home once she falls asleep.

Kyungsoo stays with him like he always has, not just for the duration of his sickness, but for more than three decades. Chanyeol lets Kyungsoo lie down beside him so they can embrace each other as Chanyeol’s heartbeat gradually weakens.

The tears have already run out of Chanyeol’s eyes but a sea of grief still strikes Kyungsoo’s cheeks. Kyungsoo leans up and Chanyeol meets him halfway to kiss him. Chanyeol has always wondered why Kyungsoo’s mouth has always felt so familiar, even when they kissed for the very first time. Right now, he comes to understand, though he still cannot put it into words.

“For thirty-five years, we’ve been together. What am I going to do without you?” Kyungsoo holds Chanyeol tighter and cries on his arm.

“You’re our miracle worker, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol says. “So you have to live. If you can’t do that for me, then do it for our daughter.”

“I’d do anything for you _and_ our daughter, Chanyeol. Anything.”

“Then you still have a long, long time to live, Soo.” Chanyeol smiles and they kiss, again.

They kiss many times that day. Kyungsoo never leaves Chanyeol’s side. Even when Chanyeol’s breath hitches, even when he sees white, Kyungsoo is still there. Chanyeol can still feel him and sense his presence. When his heart beats for the very last time, the last thing he feels is the kiss Kyungsoo leaves on his cheek.

The time comes when Chanyeol’s soul has to leave. As Chanyeol leaves this world and goes on to the next, he thinks about Kyungsoo and wonders if he’s still crying. He hopes, with all his heart, that he isn’t, because he has to know that it is not yet the end. They will still meet again: many, many times.

 

**THREE.**

_Why do you keep making me hurt him? Please make it stop._

_I control nothing. Everything is destiny, young man_.

Chanyeol continues to travel in the white space, unable to find _his_ Kyungsoo anywhere.

The body he occupies is different from the ones he’s already come to know. The person he becomes does not eat nor sleep. He breathes only due to force of habit. Whenever he has cuts or wounds, they heal in a second. Whenever confronted by danger, he is never afraid to face it.

Imprinted on the expanse of Chanyeol’s back is a tattoo of a snake that was marked on his skin many years ago. He had it done on impulse, with the help of an ex-boyfriend, a tattoo artist named Minseok. At the time, he’d done it to relish in the pain he so longed for. He wanted a reminder that no matter what he feels, nothing will ever kill him. This was over a decade ago and Chanyeol has had many experiences, many boyfriends, many regrets ever since then.

“The only way for me to die,” Chanyeol explains, to a wide-eyed Kyungsoo as they sit together on a hotel bed. “—is if you burn me and make sure nothing is left of my body.”

Chanyeol strips his shirt and shows Kyungsoo the tattoo. Kyungsoo kneels on the bed and lingers behind him, tracing fingers against the snakes.

“I believe you,” Kyungsoo says.

“Why?” Chanyeol chuckles. “We only just met.”

“You don’t seem like a person who would lie. It’s something in your eyes,” Kyungsoo says. “Though admittedly, this is all kind of weird and overwhelming. I mean, do you say these things to _all_ the boys you pick up at bars?”

“I don’t, actually. Except maybe once,” Chanyeol says. “Though that boy was too much of a hassle to deal with every day. Luhan was such a vain, vain boy.”

“I bet he was head over heels when you told him,” Kyungsoo says and Chanyeol turns to him, preventing Kyungsoo to touch his back any further.

“Yes, he was, which made it a little bit boring,” Chanyeol says. “You, on the other hand—“ He leans his face closer to Kyungsoo so he can plant a quick kiss on his lips. “You’re different.”

Chanyeol pins Kyungsoo to the bed and proceeds to ravage the collarbone that he longed to bite from the minute Chanyeol saw him at the bar. Kyungsoo was not alone, but he seemed to always be on the sideline, keeping quiet behind the tall boys whom he calls his friends. They would be dancing and making out with random men while Kyungsoo sat and drank his coke from a plastic cup. Chanyeol gravitated to him. Chanyeol wanted to know if he could be the cause for that heart-shaped smile to appear on Kyungsoo’s face. He wanted to see if he could make Kyungsoo’s skin pink all over with his hands and his lips. With this, he had no other choice but to introduce himself and flirt his way into Kyungsoo’s heart.

As much as Chanyeol loves to feel pain, he also loves to feel pleasure. He takes bliss in the rare times when he feels a rush searing through his muscles, his heart, and his cock.

Kyungsoo moans as Chanyeol kisses him. He yelps when Chanyeol rips open his shirt to run his hands all over Kyungsoo’s stomach. They manage to strip each other until all that’s left is their underwear. Chanyeol rubs against him. He feels his cock throb as he brushes against Kyungsoo’s warmth.

“I think I might already love you,” Chanyeol says, breathless as he runs his hands on Kyungsoo’s legs.

“Mmm, me too,” Kyungsoo says, arching his back. “So just _fuck_ me already, Chanyeol. I need it.”

“It would be my pleasure,” Chanyeol says, giving Kyungsoo a kiss at the edge of his lips.

Kyungsoo is tight when Chanyeol fingers him open. They use two packets of lube on Kyungsoo’s ass and on Chanyeol’s cock before Chanyeol finally thrusts inside. He keeps Kyungsoo’s legs in the air, holding them up as he stares down. Chanyeol has never felt as powerful as he does now with Kyungsoo below him, moaning in lust.

Kyungsoo’s hair smells of sweat and apple-scented shampoo. Chanyeol pushes inside and feels Kyungsoo tighten. He keeps it slow and languid. It makes him proud to see how Kyungsoo grabs the sheets. It sends shivers down his spine when Kyungsoo begs Chanyeol to kiss him. He wants it. “Chanyeol, _please_.”

Chanyeol moves so he can press his body against Kyungsoo’s back. The smell of him drives Chanyeol crazy. He continues to thrust at a strong, steady pace, with only a few moments of speed. Chanyeol takes Kyungsoo’s lips in between moans. He feels the rush of orgasm coming to him soon, so he wants Kyungsoo to finish at the same time. Chanyeol bites Kyungsoo’s ear and he touches Kyungsoo’s cock with gentle strokes. They both come as Chanyeol’s breath hitches and he releases a final grunt. Kyungsoo’s body feels like it’s melted in Chanyeol’s hands and Chanyeol wants to kiss him all better, make him feel loved, and hold him for all eternity. Chanyeol knows very well that eternity is possible. The snakes on his back remind him of this.

After they finish, they kiss and smooth their hands on each other’s skin. They both smile and Kyungsoo tells him it’s the best sex he’s ever had. Chanyeol agrees. Among all the boys he’s ever touched, Kyungsoo by far has been the best, the softest, the warmest body.

Chanyeol kisses him. “I feel like I’ve been kept alive for so many years just to see you,” he says, before kissing him again.

“Just to fuck me, you mean.” Kyungsoo laughs. “Though how many years exactly?” he asks, as he kisses Chanyeol again and hugs him against his body, making sure that Chanyeol’s full weight is on top of his.

“Too many to count,” Chanyeol says. “I’ve lived through a lot. I’ve seen wars. I’ve seen cities being burned.”

“What a dramatic life that must be,” Kyungsoo says and Chanyeol can sense the amusement in his voice.

“It really is,” Chanyeol says, burying his nose in Kyungsoo’s hair.

As the night wanes, Kyungsoo does not seem to be in any rush to fall asleep. Chanyeol takes this as a chance to know more about him. They lie down side by side, the blanket covering their lower bodies. When asked, Kyungsoo says that he’s nothing special. He’s a music teacher at a small elementary school outside the city. If he’s not teaching the kids how to carry a tune, he’s preparing for his lessons. If he’s not preparing, he’s out with friends. He’s kissed a few boys, had a few boyfriends, none of them for long.

“Tell me more,” Chanyeol says, turning sideways so he can look at Kyungsoo’s face. “I want to know everything about your amazingly normal life.”

Kyungsoo meets Chanyeol’s eyes and smiles in a way that makes Chanyeol’s heart skip a beat. “The thing is,” Kyungsoo says, “I think I’ve always believed in magical things. My parents liked telling me these stories about gods giving power to humans, about witches and fairies and people who never die. So I think there’s a part of me that always thought they were true.”

“Well, I don’t know about witches and fairies,” Chanyeol says. “But gods—They’re overrated.”

“Overrated?”

“They cause too much trouble and suffering. I didn’t exactly want to turn out this way, you know,” Chanyeol says. “But I didn’t have a choice in it.”

“So it was a god who made you this way?”

“Yeah,” he says. “As a reward for my toils in battle.”

“Your what?”

“Never mind,” Chanyeol says, “It’s not important.”

“Alright,” Kyungsoo says, nonchalant. He lifts a hand to Chanyeol’s hair and brushes his fingers against them. “I expected immortals to be beautiful, but seeing one up close—it’s mesmerizing.”

“I’ve heard it all before,” Chanyeol says, placing another kiss on Kyungsoo’s mouth. He whispers, “You’re quite beautiful too. Beautiful enough for immortality, I think.”

“You’re flattering me,” Kyungsoo says, smiling into another kiss.

“No, really,” Chanyeol says, sitting up and staring at Kyungsoo. “Would you like to have it?”

Kyungsoo lifts himself onto his elbows. “Have what?” he says, with a raised brow.

“Immortality,” Chanyeol says, grinning from cheek to cheek.

“Why me?”

“Why not?”

“No, seriously Chanyeol. Why me?”

“Because I’m magic enough to know that something special here is going on,” Chanyeol says, holding Kyungsoo’s cheek. “And why the hell not? It’ll be fun, you know. We could do a lot of things, you and me. We’ll rule the whole damn world.”

Kyungsoo bites his lips and smiles.

“But how?”

“It won’t be easy,” Chanyeol says, because it really won’t. They’ll have to find another immortal, someone like Chanyeol, who’s willing to take part in a ritual to get the gods’ attention. Chanyeol knows where they are but convincing them to give a portion of their blood is another ordeal altogether. He knows of women like Kim Taeyeon and Tiffany Hwang who might be convinced, but they are all the way in Europe, masquerading as branch managers for Samsung offices. He knows of men like Zhang Yixing and Wu Yifan, who are here in Korea, but are the most difficult men to talk to. Chanyeol thinks they are heartless, working in syndicates to prey on innocent people.

“I’ll have to make a few calls,” Chanyeol says. “But only if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” Kyungsoo says, a smile creeping on to his face. “I want this.”

“Fuck yeah,” Chanyeol says, giving Kyungsoo another breathless kiss.

Kyungsoo laughs hearing Chanyeol’s words. “So are you up for another round?” he goes, before they roll around in bed to kiss and grope each other’s asses.

“I fucking love you,” Chanyeol grunts, holding Kyungsoo tighter.

_I really fucking love you, Kyungsoo. Enough to wait for you in this fucking immortal body. I fucking love you so much._

_Then make me immortal, Chanyeol. Set this in stone. I dare you._


	2. Chapter 2

**FOUR.**

“It’s a sky that doesn’t end,” he sings. “I long to swim—to swim in your eyes.”

His voice falters and he misses a note. Alone on a stage, Chanyeol strums his guitar. He points and winks at no one in particular among the mass of people. They have all come to this stadium just to see him, Park Chanyeol, perform for the second time on American soil.

He tries to please his American fans by singing covers of English songs: Coldplay, Hozier, and Justin Bieber. It’s the least he can do to make them happy before he gives his announcement today, on foreign soil, away from another legion of fans in homeland South Korea.

“This has been a difficult decision that I’ve had to make,” Chanyeol says, as he brings the news that this would be his final stage. He’s met with a wailing audience. He can hear their cries until the back of the venue. “I’m very sorry,” he continues. “I’m eternally grateful to every single one of you.”

The next day, Chanyeol manages to escape the press and the horde of fans outside of the hotel. He’s thankful that the company provided him with a car for his stay in Los Angeles. This allows him to drive off and avoid everyone’s scrutiny. Not even the company expected his sudden announcement. It exhilarates him to know that he’s managed to make a decision that they took no part in.

He’s lucky that he speaks good English. Otherwise, he would not have been able to ask for directions out of LA, towards a cheap, unremarkable hotel with dimly lit rooms. He stays on the second floor, overlooking an ill-maintained pool. Over the railings, he stares at the place, smokes his cigarette, and wonders if he’s made the right choice to escape.

Chanyeol only has to take a walk to get to the nearest diner. He tries to dress in a way he wouldn’t usually present himself: in a dark blue hoodie, faded jeans, and knackered converses. Wearing sunglasses and a hat, he thinks, would make him look suspicious, so he does away with them and walks the streets of this foreign country, stripped of his old identity.

One of the servers at the diner keeps glancing at him and Chanyeol worries that he’s been recognized. The boy looks about Chanyeol’s age, in his mid-twenties, and Chanyeol can also tell that he’s Asian, though he’s not sure of what particular descent. Chanyeol keeps on his hood as he drinks down his cup of coffee. Finally, his food is served – fluffy pancakes and crispy hashbrowns. The boy is the one who serves it to Chanyeol and when he sets it down on the table, he doesn’t just leave and say thank you for Chanyeol’s patronage.

Suddenly, he hears the boy speak in full Hangul. “You’re Park Chanyeol, aren’t you?”

Trying to ignore the comment, Chanyeol starts to spread the butter and syrup on his pancake. He speaks in English, “Sorry, I don’t really understand you.”

“That’s total bullshit,” the boy says, still in Hangul. He takes his seat in front of Chanyeol and his hands land forcefully on the table, making the silverware tinkle.

Chanyeol gets a good look at him. He’s wearing the server’s uniform, a white button-up and a sailor hat. His face is almost a square; his eyes are round and deep. “I don’t think you’re supposed to sit with customers,” Chanyeol says and the second after he says this, he curses, realizing that he’d just spoken in his native tongue.

“You’ve been caught.” The boy smiles.

“Okay, yes, you got me. Please don’t tell anyone I’m here; I’m begging you.”

“Tell anyone? Why would I do that?” The boy arches an eyebrow. “I’m not a monster, nor am I paparazzi. I’m just a little surprised, that’s all. It’s not every day you get to see a rockstar in person.”

“What do you want from me?” Chanyeol says, uncomfortable and longing to eat his pancakes.

“Nothing,” Kyungsoo says, knitting his eyebrows. “You famous people always think every single living soul wants things from you.”

“If you don’t want anything, then why did you even go here?”

“I just wanted to say hi,” Kyungsoo shrugs. “And I wanted to tell you that I understand.”

“Understand what?”

“I understand why you ran.” The smile on Kyungsoo’s face is thoughtful. “I should know. I’ve been running for quite sometime. I had to fly to another continent, too. Just like you.”

Chanyeol doesn’t know what to say to him, though he does want to hear more. He resists the urge to ask and holds up his cup of coffee to his mouth.

When he takes a sip, Chanyeol hears the call from the manager, telling him off when he sees him sitting at Chanyeol’s table. The boy sighs and starts to speak in English, which he also seems fluent in. “Back to work, yes, yes,” he says, as he stands up from the seat. The whole situation sparks a curiosity in Chanyeol, though he knows curiosity is something he doesn’t need right now.

Chanyeol finishes the food and exits the restaurant’s doors. But before he goes any farther, the server chases him and calls, “Hey, wait!”

Chanyeol stops and listens to what the boy has to say. His name is Kyungsoo and he wants to come see Chanyeol later in the day, if that would be okay with him. Chanyeol asks why and he says, “just because,” as if that explains everything. There’s a pause and a scratch of the head before Chanyeol gives in and tells the boy named Kyungsoo where he’s staying.

He knows that he could very quickly leave this part of town and drive off into the open road. But Chanyeol finds himself staying, spending his day hiding out at the motel.

Kyungsoo arrives later in the afternoon. He’s changed out of his uniform into a blue shirt with the words _Eat, Sleep, Repeat_ written in big letters. His jeans are blue and faded; his shoes look worn. The backpack he wears around his shoulders seems bloated. From the second floor, Chanyeol sees him walking out of the lobby and into the swimming pool area. Chanyeol has to call for Kyungsoo so he would gaze up and know where he has to go. Kyungsoo waves and smiles some.

“You going somewhere?” Chanyeol raises a brow at him, throwing his cigarette into a nearby bin.

“What?”

“The bag.”

“Oh, this thing? I brought with me for our trip.”

They stare silently at each other. Chanyeol sincerely wonders if Kyungsoo is crazy.

“Our trip?”

“Look, I know it sounds crazy—”

“You took the words right out of my mouth.”

“Let me finish, Park Chanyeol. I know you’re running. And so am I. So I just thought—Why not keep each other company?”

Chanyeol chuckles. He ruffles Kyungsoo’s hair, which makes Kyungsoo wince like a kitten. “How old are you?” he says.

“Nineteen,” he says. “Turning twenty in a few weeks.”

“Quite young.” Chanyeol leans against the railings. “How do I know you’re not some con artist or mass murderer?”

“I—“ Kyungsoo looks surprised at the suggestion. “I’m not out to get your money or your blood, I swear. I mean, look—“ He takes off his bag, puts it on the floor, and kneels down to rummage through it. He says he has a bunch of IDs to prove that he’s really Do Kyungsoo, high school graduate from Seoul, son of Do Hyunsoo, member of Congress at the South Korean National Government.

“Wait, what? South Korean—What?” Chanyeol shakes his head and knits his eyebrows together.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo shoves a family picture in Chanyeol’s face, which confirms that indeed, he’s the son of a congresswoman. Chanyeol becomes wide-eyed at the sight and has to glance back at Kyungsoo to confirm that he’s really the boy in the picture, frowning, despondent, beside his mother, father, and two brothers.

“You look sad here.”

“Yeah, I do,” says Kyungsoo. “I was. I am, rather. Still am.”

“So Do Hyunsoo’s son is _here_. In America. “ Chanyeol can’t wrap his head around the whole idea. “Working at a diner?”

“Correction. He just got _fired_ from a diner. And now he’s here, with rock idol Park Chanyeol, about to go on a roadtrip.”

“Who said I agreed to this?”

“Look, I have some money and I know places we could go to!” Kyungsoo leans down to get maps out of his bag. He shoves the maps in Chanyeol’s direction and he looks at Chanyeol with determination. Chanyeol can’t help feeling endeared by the whole scenario. Kyungsoo just seems so eager about the whole thing.

It’s the eagerness that makes Chanyeol agree.

He remembers being a teenager. He was happier and less cynical. That time wasn’t so long ago. He remembers how happy he was to get signed to SM Entertainment as a solo artist. He remembers sitting in his apartment writing his songs, headphones on, his girlfriend in the bedroom waiting for him. His ascent to stardom was quick; his songs were an instant hit. His concerts started in small venues, but the company quickly threw him into music shows, concert halls, and bigger stages. At the time, his happiness made him fall into a trance. Strumming his guitar, singing into the microphone, and hearing the screams of his fans were more than enough.

But he also remembers the number of times he’s gotten sick and still forced by his company to perform, have interviews, make public appearances. He remembers the paparazzi at the fence of his home, trying to sneak pictures of him at his most intimate moments. He remembers the fallout with his songwriting team. He remembers the heartbreak when his girlfriend ended their relationship and ran off with a member of a boyband from another company.

“And I don’t even think you’re surprised to know any of this,” Chanyeol says, chuckling as he drives towards another state. “Since social media’s been all over me for a long time.”

“You should see what the papers were saying when you left.”

“Don’t need to. I’m sure I won’t like it.”

The road to Nevada requires them to stop at several rest houses. One night, they stay in a Bed and Breakfast found in a tall wood. It’s a Georgian style house, where the owners are cordial and welcoming of foreign guests. Here, Kyungsoo tells Chanyeol his story, as he and Chanyeol sit in a common area to play a game of chess. The room is dimly lit. A large Greek myth-inspired painting looms over everything inside.

“I’m actually breaking some tough immigration laws by staying here,” Kyungsoo says, as he moves his first pawn.

“Well, I’ll probably be in the same boat as you in a few weeks time,” Chanyeol replies, rubbing his chin to figure out what piece he should move first.

“They thought I was just going on a vacation,” Kyungsoo says, “but what they didn’t know was that I never planned on coming back.”

Chanyeol moves his knight. “What made you run?” he asks.

“No one wanted me there,” he says, two fingers latched tightly to a chess piece. “I was a disgrace to my family.”

Chanyeol sees how hard it is for Kyungsoo to explain, based on the sad look on his eyes and one of his fingers scratching idly at the edge of the table. Chanyeol tries to reassure him, “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.”

“But you deserve to know,” Kyungsoo says. “And—it’s important to me that we’re fair here. You told me yours, so I’ll tell you mine. It’s the only way for us to really trust each other.”

The first chess piece on Chanyeol’s side is tipped. He sighs and nods, “Then tell me everything.”

Kyungsoo begins to detail his experience. “My brother caught me with another man in my bedroom,” he says. “And of course, because he always had it out for me, Seungsoo—that’s my brother—just _had_ to tell my mom and dad.”

“That’s awful.”

“Yeah, it was. It is.” Kyungsoo tips over Chanyeol’s knight with his bishop. “But my time on the road made me realize that I should be thankful that it happened. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have known that my brother was such an asshole who’d stop at nothing to get our whole inheritance. And I wouldn’t have figured out that my parents only loved me when it was convenient for them.”

Chanyeol falls quiet. He’s no longer focused on the game of chess, but he does find a way to take out one of Kyungsoo’s pawns. Chanyeol imagines his parents would be royally angry with him as well when they learn about his escape. He knows he won’t have the same supportive mother and father if he returns to Korea.

“So that’s how I ended up here,” Kyungsoo says. “I already had an American visa. All I had to do was pack up and buy a ticket. I had to withdraw every cent I saved over the years. But nothing was stopping me.”

Kyungsoo’s hand, stiffened, is still at the edge of the table. Chanyeol decides to rest his hand over Kyungsoo’s. Kyungsoo smiles without meeting his eye.

“I’m very glad I found you, Park Chanyeol,” he says. “I was getting tired of being alone. It was really, really awful and lonely.”

“I’m glad, too,” Chanyeol says, then laughs a bit, “I didn’t think I would, since I thought you were batshit crazy. But I guess I’m glad now. I’m very, very glad.”

Kyungsoo ends up winning the game. Chanyeol finds it cute when Kyungsoo leans against his chair and smiles when he wins. “I beat Park Chanyeol,” he goes. “I am definitely good.”

“Shut up, you’re much smarter than I am,” Chanyeol chuckles. He stands to ruffle Kyungsoo’s hair and walks over to the nearby sofa.

Kyungsoo really is smarter than him, Chanyeol finds out, since he studied at a very expensive international school where he had American and British teachers. Chanyeol went to a private high school but it was nowhere near as prestigious as Kyungsoo’s. For one, his English proficiency is average at best.

He relies on Kyungsoo to communicate with the Americans and ask for directions. They find their way to Vegas in a day’s time. Neither of them wants to stay long since it’s much too chaotic and glamorous for what they want: peace and quiet, a place where they won’t fear recognition. After a night at a casino hotel, wasting a few dollars on slot machines, he and Kyungsoo drive off to another part of the country.

In Idaho, they find a recreational park that serves their tastes. In the field of blue bells, Kyungsoo decides to make Chanyeol run after him.

There are kids and parents who are having picnics. There are couples and groups of friends taking selfie shots, some of them involving a number of people jumping. Chanyeol runs past them so he can tackle Kyungsoo to the ground.

Panting and laughing, they lie on the grass like a pair of idiots on happy pills. Kyungsoo tells Chanyeol that he runs way too fast, “You didn’t even give me a chance!” Chanyeol tells him then that he’s learned to take no prisoners. In high school, he was a member of their football team and he was a relentless player.

“I love this kind of weather,” Kyungsoo says, commenting on the thick white clouds in the sky and the light rays of the sun.

“So do I,” Chanyeol says, “Reminds me of being a kid. I was so happy whenever the weather was perfect. It meant I could go outside and play catch with my friends.”

“The way I see it, you’re still a child, Park Chanyeol.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” Chanyeol raises a playful brow.

“C’mon, Park Chanyeol—you’re the biggest manchild in the planet.”

“True. But it’s not nice to blow people’s cover, Do Kyungsoo. I think you deserve a bit of tickling.”

“Don’t you dare.”

But Chanyeol does it anyway. He wiggles his fingers against Kyungsoo’s stomach and armpits until he turns red and can’t breathe. Kyungsoo tries to fight back but to no avail. Chanyeol makes sure that all his weight is pushed against Kyungsoo’s body. Only when he feels that Kyungsoo is in danger of suffocation does he stop. Both of them continue to laugh and Chanyeol continues to hover above Kyungsoo.

His body is pressed against Kyungsoo’s and they stare at each other for a few moments. Kyungsoo’s eyes are like a pair of moons, Chanyeol thinks. They shine, but at the same time, remind him of darkness. They’re still watering from all the laughter, which makes them seem even brighter.

Kyungsoo smiles at him and smacks his lips together, soft. This makes Chanyeol gulp.

He doesn’t entertain the notion that Kyungsoo might be developing a crush on him. He brushes off the disappointment in Kyungsoo’s eyes when Chanyeol removes himself from him. Chanyeol ignores the hint of sadness when they’re back in the car. He senses eyes going back and forth as he continues their drive.

They find a music bar somewhere in town that night where they stop to relax. It’s an open microphone night and Kyungsoo keeps pushing Chanyeol to sing something, “I’m sure everyone will love it, Park Chanyeol.”

Most of the people at the bar are young white Americans with only a couple of exceptions. It makes Chanyeol nervous to perform in front of people who don’t know his name. Though after Chanyeol tries, yet again, to tell Kyungsoo that he doesn't always need to use Chanyeol’s full name, he gives in. The puppy dog eyes and the touch of Kyungsoo’s hand on his arm gets Chanyeol to go to the stage manager to ask if he could go next. He’ll sing Purple Rain by Prince, since it’s one of the only songs in the band’s list that he memorizes.

“ _I never meant to cause you any sorrow,”_ he sings. “ _I never meant to cause you any pain_.”

He feels his heart race. He holds the microphone stand as if he’s in one of his concerts. Something with the drums and the electric guitar makes him feel like’s he’s really singing under purple rain. The crowd cheers when he gives his first refrain.

He reaches the high notes near the end and Chanyeol soars, feels like he’s soaring. He hopes Kyungsoo knows that he’s singing for him, that he wants to see Kyungsoo laugh, that he wants Kyungsoo’s sadness to be washed away with the rain. Kyungsoo needs to believe that this could be done and Chanyeol hopes that Kyungsoo can help him do the same for himself.

Everyone claps for him at the end. Chanyeol grins wide and gives words of gratitude to everyone who watched. But this smile disappears when he notices that his friend, Kyungsoo, is nowhere to be found.

He grows worried and runs outside. A sigh of relief comes when he finds Kyungsoo sitting on the sidewalk with his head down.

Chanyeol decides to sit beside him and give his arm a shove. “Why’d you just leave like that?” he says, examining his friend and noticing the redness of his face.

“Nothing wrong.” Kyungsoo lets out a hiccup. Chanyeol smells the beer on his breath. “You just perform so well. I thought I could handle it in person but it turns out, I can’t. It’s even better than YouTube videos.”

“You thought I was amazing?”

“Of course I do!” Kyungsoo returns Chanyeol’s shove with a playful push. “You’re a star, after all.”

Chanyeol has to smile and hook an arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders. “I only performed since you asked me to, you know.”

“I know. And it was the worst decision I ever made.” Kyungsoo grumbles and rests his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder. He nuzzles and Chanyeol swears that he hears Kyungsoo purr. “You need to keep singing, Chanyeol. Otherwise, I won’t like you anymore.”

Chanyeol sighs and holds Kyungsoo closer. He knows he shouldn’t be doing this. He knows this would only make things awkward for them. But it seems to him that Kyungsoo’s begging to be held, judging from the flush on his cheeks, the crinkle of his nose, the way he talks about Chanyeol like he’s truly a star in the sky. He knows this is horrible but all of it compels him to make a shelter for Kyungsoo in his arms. It’s cold outside. Kyungsoo needs this.

The walk back to their car is quiet, as Kyungsoo starts to doze off. Chanyeol lays him down onto the back seat. They’ve been trying to cut down on spending for the past couple of days, so their nights are spent in the car. Chanyeol reclines the driver’s seat and tries to make himself comfortable so he could sleep. It takes many minutes, but the darkness and Kyungsoo’s light snores help him to rest, oddly enough.

Their main destination is Niagara Falls, which Kyungsoo says his parents keep on promising to see with him whenever they’re in America. But this never came to fruition, so his longing to see the falls has only grown over the years.

Chanyeol wants to see the falls, too, wondering if it would give him a peace of mind to see nature’s beauty at its best.

It takes them a week and a half to get to New York State from Idaho because of their many stops. In a city in Nebraska, they find a Korean restaurant where they eat beef strips and spicy pork that reminds them of home. There are Koreans eating there too, so they eat as quickly as they can and run off before anyone might recognize them. In Illinois, they watch a baseball game of the Chicago Bulls. Both scream and spill their popcorn as the team scores another homerun. In Pennsylvania, they walk through a university town, Kyungsoo’s smile wistful as he looks at the autumn trees. “I was supposed to go to Harvard, you know,” Kyungsoo says. “But shit happened, so I can’t exactly pay anymore.”

“Well, I’m glad you didn’t go to Harvard,” Chanyeol says, kicking stones on the path towards the liberal arts building.

“Oh, wow, okay.”

“I didn’t mean it that way,” Chanyeol says. “I just meant—“

“That you’re glad to have met me, yadda-yadda.” The expression on Kyungsoo’s face is pained, the smile forced. “I’ve heard it all before, Chanyeol. I know.”

Standing in front of him, seeing his clenched fists and curled mouth make Chanyeol feel nauseous. Chanyeol has realized over the past few days that he really wants to kiss Kyungsoo silly and make him see that Chanyeol really does like him and that there’s no reason to be hurt. But a voice at the back of Chanyeol’s mind keeps telling him that this is ending soon. They’ll be parting ways, never to cross paths again.

_You might see him when you go back. But nothing will ever be the same._

It’s Kyungsoo’s turn to drive this time and his face is without expression. He says he doesn’t want to sleep in the car tonight, so they check into the cheapest motel they can find outside of New York.

Chanyeol plays music, that night, as he turns on his cellphone for the first time in many days. He plays an old song, something meant for a solemn night on the dance floor. Chanyeol stands from his bed and presents a hand to Kyungsoo, offering him a dance. Kyungsoo looks at him with the same sad eyes before he takes Chanyeol’s offer.

The night is quiet except for the music, a somber tune from the jazz age. Chanyeol holds Kyungsoo tight as he waltzes with him. He feels both of their hearts racing. Kyungsoo’s forehead rests on Chanyeool’s shoulder as they dance. His hands are firm against Chanyeol’s back.

Chanyeol has never been this in love before. But still, he doesn’t kiss Kyungsoo and neither does Kyungsoo try to kiss him first. That night, they dance and they look at each other with smiles that have hints of _goodbye._

Niagara Falls does turn out to be a magnificent sight. But what gives Chanyeol chills is Kyungsoo’s face, wide-eyed and amazed. There are many people lined up against the viewing deck to see the white, flowing water. Its sound is a powerful song in Chanyeol’s ears.

A single tear escapes Chanyeol’s eyes. When Kyungsoo sees this, Chanyeol laughs it off and says it’s nothing. He’s just amazed and perhaps a bit sad.

‘It’s stupid,” Chanyeol says. “I know we’re still going to be with each other for a day or two. I don’t even know if I can catch a plane anytime soon.”

“But it feels like something’s about to finish,” Kyungsoo says, using his thumb to wipe away Chanyeol’s tear.

“Yes,” Chanyeol says. He lifts his hands to his hair and shakes his head. He almost cries as he says, “And I don’t want this to end.”

They fall quiet. Kyungsoo turns back to the waterfall. The people around them seem to be keeping their distance. Chanyeol sees this as the proper time to hold Kyungsoo’s hand. It’s hot. Chanyeol calls for him, “Kyungsoo?”

“God, Chanyeol,” his voice breaks. “I feel like I’m gonna make a fool of myself in front of all these people.”

“You make me want to cry every fucking day, Soo. You have no idea.”

“Then why don’t you? What’s stopping you, Park Chanyeol? Cry for me.” Kyungsoo drops his forehead on Chanyeol’s chest and he starts to bawl. “You’re such a coward, you know. You’re such a fucking coward.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Chanyeol says, as puts his arms around Kyungsoo’s body. The tears flow from Chanyeol’s cheeks like a waterfall, much more powerful than what they just saw.

Kyungsoo lifts his head and breathes heavily. Chanyeol parts his lips and leans into it. The two of them kiss despite the murmurs they ensue. Chanyeol has had enough of caring too much about what other people think. He’s had enough of the voice at the back of his head. He holds Kyungsoo’s cheeks and kisses him in front of Niagara Falls.

He’s out of breath and a line of spit forms between them when they separate.

“I’ll call you every day,” he says, voice soft. “Even if social media fucking feasts on us. We’re going to be together, okay?”

“Yes.” Kyungsoo is trying to draw himself up. Chanyeol can tell that he’s desperate. Kyungsoo doesn’t give Chanyeol any more time to talk and proceeds to kiss him again, his hands moving Chanyeol’s arms so they’re wrapped around Kyungsoo’s waist.

“I’ll find you,” Chanyeol says.

 _You will_.

“Make sure you do that, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo says. “Or I swear—“ Another kiss. “—you’ll miss these lips until the day you die.”

Chanyeol smiles. The kiss that follows is soft and languid. When they look at each other, it no longer has any hints of goodbye. Kyungsoo’s eyes are moons, light in the middle of darkness. The message he sends through his eyes is the same as what Chanyeol wants to tell him. It replaces the thoughts of doubt to thoughts of faith and hope.

Through their eyes, the message is clear.

 _I’ll see you again. We’ll meet each other very soon_.

 

**FIVE.**

The summer comes. Chanyeol spends his final days as a boy of eighteen exploring his hometown – Courage, full of white-walled, red-roofed brick houses. The tallest building in the town is a cathedral, whose bell rings every three o’clock in the afternoon. Beyond the residences is a stretch of forest, extending towards the mountains. The town is quiet in the summer, though one might hear the chatter and footsteps of the children in the alleys, along the roads, in the plaza near the cathedral.

“This summer’s going to last forever, right?” Chanyeol says. As they eat their popsicles, he and his friends sit around a tree in the plaza. He has his arms around Jongdae and Baekhyun’s shoulders, the popsicle sticks out of Chanyeol’s mouth. He smiles despite it.

“Nothing lasts forever, Chanyeol,” Jongdae says.

“It’s just the way things go,” Baekhyun sighs.

“I know that.” Chanyeol takes his hook away from Baekhyun to keep his popsicle from falling.

When they walk home that day, everything starts to turn orange under the sunset. Chanyeol finds it odd when he sees no one else in the streets aside from himself and his friends. By the time Chanyeol reaches his home, his friends have disappeared from where they stood behind him. He thinks they might have gone ahead, though he wonders why they didn’t even bother to say goodbye.

Inside his home, he sees his mother for a split second, setting food on the table. After he washes his face in the sink, he no longer sees her. Chanyeol looks around the house to see if his sister and his father are anywhere, but he finds no one. He scratches his head as he sits by the dining table. It makes his stomach grumble when he sees the roast beef and vegetables ready to be eaten. Instead of continuing to worry, he decides to help himself.

In Chanyeol’s dream that night, he runs in a white space, chased by a cloud of darkness. He keps running and his breath runs out as he does so. Suddenly, he has to stop. The darkness no longer tails him and all he sees is himself, reflected on a tall mirror.

When he wakes up, the sky is full of clouds.

When he surveys the house, he realizes that no one but him has been home the whole night. When he leaves the house, he realizes that the town is empty. He runs through the brick roads and finds no one in the streets, in the stores, in the cathedral. He is alone.

No one hears the screams Chanyeol lets out. He calls for his family, for Baekhyun, and for Jongdae. The only reply he gets is from the wind, a loud rush.

When the bones in his body give in, he decides to sit on a bench in the plaza. He stares up to a cloudy sky; sweat drips from his forehead. This is a dream, Chanyeol thinks. There is no other explanation for it. If he closes his eyes long enough, he might just wake up on his bed and he’d see his mother again, cooking breakfast.

Yet again, nothing works.

All the doors to the houses are locked and bolted. Chanyeol tries and fails to push any of them open. The windows are sealed. Not a single light is open. In the market street, he sees all the fruits and vegetables arranged neatly in the stores. Even the flies and mosquitoes have disappeared.

“I’m going crazy, aren’t I?” Chanyeol says, to no one but the air. He continues to walk the market street and feels himself being drawn towards the woods beyond it. There must be someone out there, at the very least. There must be some indication of life apart from all the trees and shrubs.

In the woods, there’s a mansion that Chanyeol and his friends always passed by when they were kids who loved to play hide and seek among the trees. People in town barely spoke of it, but it’s always been there. Chanyeol’s father told him some time ago that the founder of Courage had lived there and that his family continues to live there to this very day.

When Chanyeol arrives at its front gate, he grips the bars painted gold. On the second floor, he sees an open window, with white curtains moving with the wind. He becomes wide-eyed at the sight. Immediately, he tries to see if he can open the gate and he discovers that he can. It’s not bolted nor locked.

His limbs are weak. Chanyeol limps as he walks towards the manor. Behind the curtains of the window, he notices a shadow. Suddenly, any slight movement dizzies him. The walk is taking longer than expected, as he never seems to close the distance with the front door. The whole mansion seems to blur before his eyes.

“What’s happening?” he says to himself, panting, unable to reach the door, even as he stretches out his arm.

_Please, just let me inside._

Chanyeol faints, body falling to the grass.

Everything is pitch black. He doesn’t know how long he stays asleep.

When he opens his eyes and sees the afternoon light from outside, he figures that he hasn’t been out for too long.

He wakes up seated on a chair by a square table, in a room that is purely white. What surprises him is the person siting across from him, staring idly out the window. The boy looks about his age. The paleness of his features matches the color of the room. His shirt has an image of a cartoon character from television.

“Where am I?” Chanyeol asks.

The look he receives from the boy is one of surprise, lips parted, eyes glinting. Chanyeol gulps and wonders if this boy had anything to do with the disappearance of every single living person in town. The boy parts his mouth wider, almost to say something, but nothing comes out. He sets his hands on the table and taps a finger, tucking his lips into his mouth.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on here, and I’m kind of freaking out, so can you please tell me everything you know?”

The boy doesn’t reply immediately. Instead, he slips one of his hands into his pocket to bring out a notepad and a pencil. He starts to write, before he pushes the note towards Chanyeol.

_I seem to have lost my ability to hear and speak, so I’m sorry for not responding._

“Oh,” Chanyeol goes. The boy extends an arm to give Chanyeol the pencil, which Chanyeol takes with hesitation.

_My name is Chanyeol. I live in town. What’s your name?_

The boy writes back, _Kyungsoo_.

Chanyeol nods, _Do you know what’s happening around here, Kyungsoo?_

Kyungsoo’s forehead wrinkles, _You have to be more specific._

Chanyeol sighs, _Why has everyone disappeared?_

It takes a while before Kyungsoo writes anything back. What he writes makes Chanyeol swallow.

_Because I wished for silence._

“Who the fuck _are_ you?” Chanyeol says, though he knows Kyungsoo can’t hear.

_Then why am I still here?_

_If I knew, I would tell you._

_Bullshit. Tell me now. And bring everyone back._

At this, Chanyeol gets an angry stare. This time, Kyungsoo does not write. The notepad goes into his pocket. He then stands and walks towards Chanyeol’s seat.

A hand is offered in his direction. Chanyeol looks at him from head to toe, sees the torn-up jeans and the cartoon monster prints on his shirt. He nods before he takes Kyungsoo’s hand.

Kyungsoo pulls him out of the room and into a hallway full of doors. The floor is not carpeted; their feet make loud sounds as they prod towards the largest door at the end of the hallway.

Inside is a study full of books. At the center is another table, much similar to the one in the room painted white.

Chanyeol has to marvel at what he sees on the walls of the study. There are elaborate drawings of houses and buildings, all similar to the ones in town. He sees blueprints and rough drafts. He turns to Kyungsoo who now seems to hold a small picture frame in his hands, containing a black-and-white photo of him at a ribbon cutting ceremony.

On the frame, an inscription is written that makes Chanyeol’s eyes widen: _COURAGE, Est. 1910._

He does a double take at Kyungsoo and wonders how old this man really is. Kyungsoo takes a card out of his pocket and shows it to Chanyeol, sending Chanyeol’s mind reeling.

_Do Kyungsoo_

_MAYOR OF COURAGE TOWN_

_1910-present_

 

“But it’s 2200,” Chanyeol says. “And you’re a teenager.”

And Kyungsoo is. He’s been taking the form of a teenager for a very, very long time, with only his mind maturing somehow. Kyungsoo writes about this when he and Chanyeol sit down in the study. He says the books on the shelves are actually his journals, one for every year he’s been living.

_I haven’t been out of this house since 1915. It’s how the town stays alive. I’ve sacrificed myself for everyone._

_I don’t understand._

_The same magic that’s kept me young and that made everyone disappear has been tied to the town all these years, keeping everyone in it alive._

_Then why are you letting it die?_

_Because I’m tired. I want peace._

_But what about me?_

_Again I don’t know why you’re here._

Chanyeol stands and barges out of the study. He runs through the hallway, seeing what might be a staircase at the other end. He’s had enough of this dream. All he wants is to have the rest of his summer back.

His movements, however, seem futile, as he runs but never reaches the desired point. He stops and senses that Kyungsoo is behind him.

“Why can’t I leave?” Chanyeol says, even though he knows Kyungsoo can’t hear him.

When they face each other, Kyungsoo hands Chanyeol a paper and a pencil, on which Chanyeol writes his question. Kyungsoo writes on the back of the paper.

_I’ve decided that you’re going to help me._

Chanyeol asks, _How?_

_You’re going to help me find peace._

_I’m going to kill you?_

_Yes. And there’s only one way to kill an immortal like me._

_How?_

_Through fire._

Chanyeol swallows.

Kyungsoo offers his hand once again and finally, Chanyeol is able to reach the stairs. It seems Kyungsoo’s magic has been the one holding him back all this time.

The instructions are simple: Chanyeol has to light a match and spread the gas that will send this house to the flames. Kyungsoo will be inside it. Everything, including the town, will disappear soon after.

_But what about me? I want to see my family again. Can’t you give me that?_

_You will. In another life._

Chanyeol highly doubts it.

 _Please believe me, Chanyeol. Everything will be just fine_.

_Why can’t you just do it yourself? Why do I have to be the one to burn everything down?_

_The house will never allow me to kill myself. It has to be you._

_So is this why I was the only one left alive?_

For this, Kyungsoo has no reply.

 _Let’s just get this over with_ , Chanyeol tells him.

Chanyeol lights the match in the foyer, where the gas has already been spread. When he throws the match, everything is sent into flames. He runs out the front door towards the yard.

As everything burns, Chanyeol watches, without any more will to run. He cries at the sight of the fire.

A voice enters his head and calls out his name, forcing more tears to fall. _Chanyeol._

He breathes out a sob, “ _Kyungsoo_.”

_Hello._

He says his name, again, softer, “Kyungsoo.”

_Looks like it didn’t end well here, either._

“Yeah,” Chanyeol shakes his head, memories suddenly flooding his brain, “It didn’t.”

_You didn’t love me in this world. I waited for you. I was always around, but you never came._

“I’m here now.”

_Yes, you are._

“I’m so sorry.”

_Enough of that. It’s off to the next one, okay?_

“Yeah,” Chanyeol says, with a smile. “Off to the next one.”

The house continues to burn. The sunset is bright orange all over the horizon. Chanyeol sincerely hopes, as he starts to fade, that in the next world, his summer would last much longer.

 

**SIX to NINE.**

They meet when Chanyeol is 22 and Kyungsoo is 25. Chanyeol feels that this Kyungsoo is more familiar, his manners and his smile more like the one he knows. He’s perpetually silent, always trying to ignore Chanyeol whenever he pesters him, often fails to withhold his grumble whenever Chanyeol teases. They meet as co-workers in a small office on the second floor of a gray building of a school supplies company. When their boss, Kim Junmyeon, seats them next to each other, Chanyeol takes this as an opportunity to deepen their friendship. As seat buddies, Chanyeol has more opportunities to change Kyungsoo’s wallpaper to pictures of his or Justin Bieber’s face. He does this whenever Kyungsoo is in the break room or in human resources talking to Jongin. He could never get enough of the frown on Kyungsoo’s face, which brings giggles to Chanyeol’s mouth every single time.

Chanyeol and Kyungsoo like to sit next to each other during meetings. They play tic-tac-toe whenever Junmyeon drawls on and on about company initiatives to increase sales. Kyungsoo usually wins and Chanyeol would always force them to play another game. Junmyeon tells them to zip their lips before they ever get the chance to.

Every day, he sends Internet memes to Kyungsoo’s office email, hoping to brighten up his day. He especially likes to send ones with cats, since they remind him so much of Kyungsoo. “Because you act like one!” Chanyeol likes to say.

It takes months before Chanyeol ever gets the guts to ask Kyungsoo out. He thinks about it throughout the whole duration of the office Christmas party. He laughs maniacally when Jongdae gives him a toilet plunger for their Kris Kringle and he’s able to pop and lock when Sehun challenges him to a breakdance showdown. But at the back of his mind, he thinks about the most proper way he’d be able to ask Kyungsoo out on a date without sounding too awkward or eager.

They walk together in the parking lot as the others prance ahead of them, singing _Jingle Bells_ under the moonlight. Chanyeol puts his sweaty hands deep into his jacket pockets before he drops the question.

“Can I ask you something?” Chanyeol says.

Kyungsoo stops walking and turns to him, his expression curious. “Yeah?” he goes. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to know if, like, you would—I dunno—“ Chanyeol can’t look him in the eye. The heat rises from his neck to his cheeks.

“What is it, Chanyeol?”

“Do you have any plans for Christmas?”

“Hm?”

“Christmas Eve. Do you have any plans?”

“Not really. Why’d you ask?”

“I just wanted to know if you’d want to go out that day—“ Chanyeol mumbles the rest, “—just the two of us. Like, on a date.”

He pauses and takes a chance by swerving his eyes in Kyungsoo’s direction. He’s surprised when Kyungsoo suddenly turns around and takes brisk steps ahead of him.

“You’re an idiot, Park Chanyeol.”

“W—Why am I an idiot!” Chanyeol tries to catch up with him.

“First off, yes, I’ll go out with you on Christmas. Secondly, please stop it.”

“Stop what!?”

“Just stop it, okay? Looking at your face is making me dizzy.”

At this, Chanyeol perks up like a puppy and embraces Kyungsoo from behind. He swings him around and Kyungsoo doesn’t try to fight it. He’s laughing and holding on to Chanyeol’s arms.

As much as Chanyeol would have liked to see if this version of him doesn’t mess up the date, this world has to fade to gray so he can go on to the next. As he floats, he manages to see glimpses of many other worlds. He sees one where they never meet. He’s a novelist, who never truly finds happiness despite all his success. He wastes his life away with alcohol, as he remains in love with a character he created for a fictional setting. In another world, he joins a revolution against a fascist government, rallies the streets, meets a policeman named Kyungsoo, who’s one of the men that throw the tear gas at the protesters. This is the only time they meet in this world and Chanyeol only has ill feelings for the man with the badge.

Sometimes, he thinks of asking the woman from the mirror to send him back to the world where he fought in the war, or back to Destiny town. Perhaps he could stop himself from listening to Baekhyun’s taunts. Perhaps he could still find a way to make sure his cancer never developed so he could still raise his daughter and grow old with his husband. He wants to go back to all those worlds where he hurt Kyungsoo and find any way possible to make it all right.

In another world, he doesn’t hurt Kyungsoo. They even find each other on a completely different planet. Their earth has already come and gone. Humans have already dispersed into the stars. They see each other at a party among many other types of living creatures, human and otherwise. Kyungsoo is drinking a glass of champagne when Chanyeol spots him.

“Have we met?” Chanyeol says, with a smirk. “I think I’ve seen you in another bar before.”

“I doubt it,” Kyungsoo says. “Though are you some sort of singer? I think I might’ve seen you on TV once.”

“Nah,” Chanyeol says. “But I’m glad you think I have the looks for it. And I could say the same for you.” He winks.

Kyungsoo is shy, at first, but at the end of the night, Chanyeol manages to whisk him off into the ship that he calls his home. They spend a night together in bed before Chanyeol asks if Kyungsoo would like to go on a trip to see the stars.

Chanyeol thrusts many times into Kyungsoo’s body before Kyungsoo gives him a very loud _yes_ in agreement, coupled with a whimper and a moan. Chanyeol kisses Kyungsoo’s cheeks and fucks him properly towards an orgasm. At dawn, Chanyeol stares at him, admires all the bites he left on Kyungsoo’s neck and chest, and caresses Kyungsoo’s legs as he falls into a deep sleep.

They travel to many places before Kyungsoo tells Chanyeol that he’s completely and utterly fallen for him. It happens on the observation deck of a ship along the asteroid belt. Kyungsoo puts his arms around Chanyeol’s neck and buries himself in Chanyeol’s body. “I don’t think anything I say will ever be enough,” Kyungsoo says, “—to describe just how much you mean to me."

Chanyeol’s heart flutters at Kyungsoo’s words. He doesn’t even need to kiss Kyungsoo, nor does he need to get him into bed. This would be enough, just a hug, Kyungsoo’s arms around him, his own arms around Kyungsoo. Together, they watch a comet blast an asteroid to pieces. In the distance, a star burns out. Chanyeol wonders if he and Kyungsoo will ever fade to dust like the stars, though he immediately dispels the thought and replaces it with happier ones, thoughts about the places he and Kyungsoo might go.

 

 

**Y.**

The last thing he remembers is Kyungsoo’s smiling face as they hold each other in the spaceship. When Chanyeol wakes up on the grassy mountain, he remembers this, though after a few short seconds, he forgets.

 _It will all fade soon_ , comes the voice of a woman. _Though you might never truly forget._

They are no longer inside the wooden house. In fact, there’s no house anywhere in sight, only rocks and trees. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo wake up with a jolt to find themselves lying on the ground. Chanyeol holds Kyungsoo’s arms, trying to make sure that this is really him, that this is _his_ Kyungsoo.

“You’re you,” Chanyeol says.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says, in shock. “I am. And so are you.”

They hug each other for several minutes. Chanyeol tells him that he’s sorry many, many times, for many, many things. Most of which he no longer remembers. He knows he fell in love with Kyungsoo in a bakery. He knows he spent weeks travelling with him in a stolen car. He knows he burned a house down because Kyungsoo requested it. But all the details are fuzzy. Even the strongest of memories are starting to slip away.

He cards his fingers against Kyungsoo’s hair and kisses Kyungsoo’s forehead and cheek. Kyungsoo kisses Chanyeol at the edge of his lips and he kisses Chanyeol’s ear before he bites him.

They decide that their bodies are too weak and weary to continue the trip to the peak of the mountain. Instead, they go back to their hanok hotel, where they have conversation over tea and make out endlessly on the bed.

“I missed your giant hands,” Kyungsoo says, as Chanyeol plays with the hem of Kyungsoo’s shirt.

“Anything else you missed?” Chanyeol grinds his crotch against Kyungsoo’s.

“You. Just _you,_ Chanyeol. In the last place I went to, you weren’t there.”

“Were you lonely?” Chanyeol places a soft kiss on Kyungsoo’s chin.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says. “But I can’t remember much of it. So I guess I’ll be fine.”

“Right.” Chanyeol kisses his lips, breathlessly.

“Though I still remember being a prince,” Kyungsoo says. “And you were my knight.”

“Was I your favorite knight?”

“Yeah, you were, actually. I let you stay in my bedroom whenever it was dark. I think my father suspected.”

“Well what were we doing, hm?” Chanyeol kisses Kyungsoo’s neck. He knows exactly what they must have been doing. Chanyeol gets hard at the thought of it.

“I pushed you against the wall and begged you to feed me your dick.”

“Jesus.”

Kyungsoo laughs.

Despite all their talk, they’re content just to hold and kiss each other. Chanyeol finds himself shaking and shivering as he continues to kiss Kyungsoo’s lips. He puts his forehead against Kyungsoo’s and breathes. Their eyes are closed as memories continue to fade. Chanyeol doesn’t want to let any of it go. He wants to keep everything, almost cries because of all the things he wants to keep.

“ _Chanyeol_ ,” Kyungsoo says, in a heavy sigh. He tangles his fingers together with Chanyeol’s and leans up to kiss him.

“I’m sorry for bringing us here.”

In reply, Kyungsoo shakes his head, “Don’t be.”

“I promise, I won’t die on you.”

“You better not.”

“And I won’t be such a coward.”

“Same here.”

Chanyeol presses his weight against Kyungsoo’s body and holds him tight. Kyungsoo comforts him, pats his back, holds him tight as he continues to shake. As he feels Kyungsoo’s warmth, Chanyeol becomes certain that they really are fated. It’s a scary feeling, one that makes him nauseous. But he thinks he will be able to accept it, despite the grief that always seems to come their way. This time, he’s quite sure, will be different. This time, they will do things right.

It makes him delirious when he looks at Kyungsoo’s sad eyes.

“I don’t want to forget,” Chanyeol says.

“Don’t worry,” Kyungsoo says, as he manages a smile. “I don’t think we ever will.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I’m sure. We won’t forget. Not really, at least. But if we do—” Kyungsoo puts their foreheads together and closes his eyes. “We’ll always have this.”

 

**_the end._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/lc_sweetwine) | [Tumblr](http://fantasticmrlc.tumblr.com/)


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